i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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