Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
