my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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