I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
