respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE