Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.