Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.