You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.