Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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