Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
