my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
