i barfeds in our rink
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
