he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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