I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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