Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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