why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
