I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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