I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
