Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
