Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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