I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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