Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
