I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize