Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
