1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing