sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
