We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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