kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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