LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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