i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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