I looked at my own cervix.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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