Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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