YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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