Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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