I puked a lego.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
