So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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