I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
kristin has been a bad kristin
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
