there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
