What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
