i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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