PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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