hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
