I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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