never play flip cup with pint glasses
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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