I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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