When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
third nipple confirmed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
