this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
