K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?