God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.