Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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