so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
