I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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