I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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