Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
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i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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