Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand