She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?