So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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