Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
